Before believing in God, in knowing God, I was a different person. I was quick to anger and full of contempt. A very selfish person who would not accept the circumstances that were given and someone with a hardened heart.

Blinded by selfishness, I could not show love and kindness especially to those who had loved me and those who were close to me. I could only give to them spite and bitterness. And this was for a long time.

The first steps towards knowing God were when I began to attend church. There was kindness and joy in the friends and leaders I met. Little by little, I began to see warmth and wondered whether I could feel that warmth too. And I did. I’d learnt that the warmth of friends is so powerful. It is encouraging and supportive. And something so powerful for those who do not have close relationships with their families.

And that was when I began to question where this warmth, this joy, came from. I’d assumed that it came from our own works to praying to God, to paying tithe and attending church. All of this, I had misunderstood. As time passed, and I came to learn more about God’s Word, I realized that this peace and joy was not acquired but that it was given. I had misjudged the brothers and sisters who believed. They did not just have peace and joy. They had also had sufferings in hardships which were beyond their control. And yet they still showed love in the midst of all this. And they gave thanks to God.

As I decided to participate in Bible study with Pastor Jung, I had learnt more of God and what he had done. I realized how arrogant and selfish I had been. How much my own foolishness had harmed others and myself.

I realized that what God had done for us, what Jesus had done for us, was the reason to be joyful and to be grateful. I saw that his sacrifice was my salvation.  Jesus had done all this, and yet I had lived for myself. He did not die so that I would repay his sacrifice. He had died for me so that I may see love, and so that I understand how much God loves us, and most importantly, how to love. And that is the reason why I give thanks and praise to God. For I alone am nothing but a sinner and to live for my own sake would only lead me into my own destruction.

I now understand that we pray to God because he is the one who will hear our cries and our praise. And that because of his love, we continue living no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in.

I thank God for his grace and mercy, for his Word, His love and His Son. Without these things, I would be lost and know nothing. I thank Him for the brothers and sisters who share fellowship with me to this day.  I pray that each day that is given from Him, I show the same love he has shown me in all that I do and will continue to do.